Impostor syndrome and the fear of failure are pervasive issues that significantly impact many individuals’ mental health and quality of life. These feelings are often deeply intertwined with shame, a powerful emotion that can influence our thoughts, behaviours, and perceptions. By exploring how shame is developed and its role in impostor syndrome, we can better understand how to address and overcome these challenges.
What is Impostor Syndrome?
Impostor syndrome, or Imposter Phenomenon, is a psychological pattern where individuals doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud. Despite external evidence of their competence, those experiencing impostor syndrome feel undeserving of their success and worry that they will be “found out.”
Imposter Syndrome tends to impact people who are high achieving people finding it difficult to accept their accomplishments- big and small. Research into Imposter Syndrome indicates that possibly up to 70% – 80% of people will experience impostor syndrome at some point in their lives..1
This phenomenon is not limited to any specific demographic, affecting professionals, students, and creatives alike.
While it is not recognised as a mental health diagnosis, it can underpin different mental health difficulties, such as anxiety, depression, stress and mood difficulties, and can result in physical issues such as burnout and health problems like high blood pressure. Imposter Syndrome and the resulting distorted beliefs and perceptions can interfere with relationships- at work, within families and intimate relationships.
Normal Unsure feeling or Imposter Syndrome?
Feeling unsure, uncertain and anxious is normal in life, however imposter Syndrome is more pervasive, impacting self esteem, confidence and tends to get in the way of how we want to live and the decisions we make.
Fear of Failure
The fear of failure is another common issue that often accompanies impostor syndrome. This fear can be paralysing, leading to avoidance behaviours and preventing individuals from pursuing opportunities or taking risks. It can hinder personal and professional growth, as the fear of making mistakes or not meeting expectations outweighs the potential benefits of success.
The Role of Shame
At the core of both impostor syndrome and the fear of failure is shame. Shame is an intensely painful emotion that arises from the belief that we are inherently flawed and unworthy of love and belonging. Unlike guilt, which is about feeling bad for a specific action, shame is about feeling bad about who we are as individuals.
Brené Brown, a renowned researcher on shame and vulnerability, describes shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging” (Brown, 2012)2. This emotion is often instilled early in life through various experiences and interactions, such as criticism, rejection, or unmet expectations from significant figures like parents, teachers, or peers. Societal and cultural pressures can further reinforce these feelings of inadequacy.
How Shame Develops
Shame develops through repeated negative experiences and internalised messages that suggest we are not good enough. These messages can come from various sources:
- Family Dynamics: Critical or overly demanding parents can instil a sense of inadequacy in children, making them feel that they must meet high standards to be valued.
- Educational Environment: Harsh feedback or comparisons with peers in school can contribute to feelings of shame and self-doubt.
- Cultural Norms: Societal expectations regarding success, appearance, and behaviour can create pressure to conform, leading to shame when individuals feel they fall short.
Impact of Shame on Quality of Life
Shame can significantly impact an individual’s quality of life by contributing to mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and chronic self-doubt. It can hinder the development of authentic relationships, as the fear of being judged or rejected prevents individuals from fully engaging with others. Furthermore, shame can perpetuate a cycle of avoidance and perfectionism, where the fear of failure and criticism leads to missed opportunities and stunted growth.
Imposter Syndrome has been described as “the flip side of giftedness” and “causes many talented, hardworking, and capable leaders […] to believe that they don’t deserve their success.” – Manfred F. R Kets de Vries3
Is it Imposter Syndrome or is it others around you?
If you hadn’t struggled with the feeling of being a fraud or imposter but you start to have these feelings and self doubt, it is important to reflect on what has changed that is causing this. We are impacted by our environment and those in it. Being around a highly critical person can make us start to doubt ourselves, especially people who are never pleased no matter how much we try.
Have you recently got a new boss or manager? Are you now working with a different team of people? Are you in a new relationship? Do you have a new friend or friendship group? Are there any changes in your relationships? Notice how they provide feedback, how they provide instructions and relate to you. Notice passive aggressive comments, that might be dressed up as jokes. If you are being criticised and questioned repetitive, this will have an impact on self esteem and confidence. While it may not be Imposter Syndrome, seeking support from you psychologist can help with developing clarity about what is happening to you, develop strategies to manage the other person and to consider other options are available to remove this effect on you.
Addressing Shame and Overcoming Impostor Syndrome
- Acknowledge and Accept Feelings: Recognising and naming your emotions can reduce their power. Accept that it’s okay to feel this way and that these feelings do not define your worth.
- Challenge Negative Thoughts: Notice when and how you downplay positive praise or thoughts about your accomplishment. Identify and reframe negative self-talk. Replace thoughts like “I’m a fraud” with “I am learning and growing.” Speak to yourself like you would speak to a friend.
- Celebrate Achievements: Keep a journal of your successes, no matter how small. Reflecting on your accomplishments can help reinforce your competence. Practice accepting a compliment. Hearing yourself say Thank you when someone makes a positive comment as a great place to start.
- Seek Support: A psychologist can provide valuable perspective and explore the fear and the part of you who holds the doubt and anxiety. Talk to trusted friends- sharing your experiences can provide valuable perspective and reduce feelings of isolation.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend. Understand that everyone makes mistakes and that these do not diminish your worth.
How does a psychologist help with Imposter Syndrome?
“There are studies that identify shame as the dominant emotion experienced by mental health clients, exceeding anger, fear, grief, and anxiety.” – Brene Brown
Psychologists draw from a range of therapeutic modalities to provide a comprehensive approach to treating impostor syndrome and shame.
In using Emotion Focussed Therapy EFT, the therapist guides clients in accessing and expressing their core emotions, facilitating emotional processing and the transformation of maladaptive feelings into healthier, adaptive ones. This approach helps clients acknowledge and work through the shame that underlies their impostor syndrome.
Internal Family Systems (IFS), involves identifying and interacting with different “parts” of the client’s psyche, such as the inner critic or the fearful child. The therapist helps clients establish a compassionate relationship with these parts, allowing them to understand and heal the internal conflicts that contribute to feelings of fraudulence and unworthiness. Clients explore and heal internal parts of themselves, such as the inner critic or the vulnerable child, fostering self-compassion and reducing the internal conflicts that drive impostor syndrome.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) techniques are helpful to identify and challenge distorted thinking patterns, replacing negative self-talk and irrational beliefs with more realistic and empowering thoughts.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) complements this by encouraging clients to accept their negative emotions and thoughts without judgment, while committing to actions aligned with their values, which reduces the impact of shame on their behaviour. This integrative approach helps clients build emotional resilience, develop a healthier self-concept, and embrace their achievements without fear of being exposed as frauds.
Through this approach, clients can integrate and heal fragmented aspects of their identity, build self-compassion, and develop a more authentic and confident sense of self.
Impostor syndrome and the fear of failure, deeply rooted in shame, are significant barriers to achieving our full potential. By understanding the origins and impacts of shame, we can begin to address these feelings and foster a healthier, more confident sense of self. Remember, overcoming these challenges is a journey, and seeking support along the way can make all the difference.
If you feel you are being plagued with self-doubt, anxiety, difficulty making decisions and you avoid situations that you would like to try and take risks with, then working with one of our psychologists can help you find your freedom!
“Shame loses power when it is spoken.”- Brene Brown
This blog post is designed to provide insights and support for those struggling with impostor syndrome, fear of failure, and shame. By sharing our experiences and strategies, we can help each other grow and thrive.
References:
- . Bravata DM, Watts SA, Keefer AL, Madhusudhan DK, Taylor KT, Clark DM, Nelson RS, Cokley KO, Hagg HK. Prevalence, Predictors, and Treatment of Impostor Syndrome: a Systematic Review. J Gen Intern Med. 2020 Apr;35(4):1252-1275. doi: 10.1007/s11606-019-05364-1. Epub 2019 Dec 17. PMID: 31848865; PMCID: PMC7174434. ↩︎
- Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Penguin Random House. ↩︎
- Kets de Vries, Manfred. (2005). The dangers of feeling like a fake. Harvard business review. 83. 108-16, 159. ↩︎