Ah, the Christmas and festive season. This is a time of many different celebrations, Christmas, Chanukah and Hanukkah, Dhanu Sankranti and New Year celebrations. For many, this is a wonderful time of year filled with time with loved ones, faith, love, good food, giving, fun activities, cozy evenings, and fond memories.
It also can be a time of stress, anxiety, sadness, frustration, and loneliness. People can find the time leading up to and during Christmas and New Years to be stressful and demanding.
There’s shopping, cooking, cleaning, parties, travel, crowds, the onslaught of advertising telling us about everything we “should” have, expectations, positive and negative anticipation, the fear of failure (giving the “wrong” gifts, an unsuccessful party), and the pressure from our children and family about what they “want”.
It doesn’t have to be like this! Being proactive in your holiday planning can turn an otherwise stressful Christmas season into an enjoyable and memorable one. Here are some ways to a happier and less stressed Christmas season:
1. Do I really want to?
Take a moment to look at your schedule in the lead up to Christmas or New Year. Ask yourself “Can I really have Christmas Lunch/ Dinner?” or “Can I really host New Years?”. If you feel even a little dread or overwhelm at the thought, it is likely a sign that you don’t have the capacity to take on the event. It is a busy time of the year, trying to juggle so many competing demands. You are allowed to say No or allow others in your family or friends to offer. Another option is to negotiate that others also help or contribute.
Tip: It is okay to suggest you will host if others can help or bring something. Being honest and explain that “I will be busy in the lead up and won’t have time to organise everything, but if you are happy to bring something and help, then I don’t mind hosting”. Or “ I would love to have more time to make a fancy lunch, but if we are all happy to have a relaxed BBQ, then happy to have it at my place”. This is assertively communicating how you feel and what you need, while giving others the option to contribute to the plans or offer to host.
2. Whose expectations are they really?
We are bombarded with so much pressure to give the perfect gift, for Insta-worthy table settings and food. Take a moment and ask yourself “What does this time of year mean to me? What do I enjoy the most? What did I used to enjoy when I was a child? What memories do I want to make with my family and friends?”. So often, the answers are not about the pricey gifts or the gourmet food, rather, it’s the quality of the time we spend with them.
Tip: This may be a good time to take a break from social media and give yourself a break from the pressure. If you find yourself stressing and feeling the pressure to ‘make it perfect’, take a moment, breathe, relax your body and reflect on “Is this important to me?” “What am I worried about really?”.
3. Lists Lists Lists!
There is often so many things to juggle- work, kids at home, end of year parties, shopping and more shopping. Start a list early- for gifts and meal planning.
Write a list for:
- Who you need to buy gifts for, their ages, and any ideas you may have and who to ask for ideas!
- All the events you have planned, such as work or school Christmas parties, Christmas Eve dinners and New Years Day plans. Include things you need to bring or organise for them.
- Who can help- delegate. Ask your partner or other family and friends to help with gifts, cooking, shopping, wrapping etc.
- Diary Diary Diary- often we make the lists but forget to add them into our schedules. Start by adding the events and then the tasks that need to get done, e.g. when you can go to the shops, when you need to start cooking and any prep time.
* Remember Tip No. 2- try to not get overwhelmed with the pressure and stress.
Tip: If you start your list early, you can keep adding ideas as you come across them. Keeping a list on your phone can be handy, since we are always on our phones anyway! Don’t forget to add these events in your diary.
4. Always time to rest and reflect!
Try to maintain your usual activities. When we are under pressure, having time to engage in what we normally do for rest, recovery and fun is important.
Tip: Add these activities in your diary so that you can plan around them. Of course, it’s totally okay to change it up a bit if maintaining your usual routine adds stress.
5. Those tricky family and friends
For some people, this time of year often means having to be around people we don’t feel comfortable with, or there are existing tensions. It could be due to inappropriate comments, discussions that centre around weight and dieting, questions about fertility, questions relating to dating and sexuality, not to mention all the political hot topics at the moment. Unfortunately, it is unrealistic to expect the other person to be different or to have changed.
If you really don’t want to be around someone, it’s important to listen to your needs. Alternatively, there may be ways to avoid them or reduce the time spent with them and avoid those ‘hot topics’. Sometimes practicing a polite response can be helpful so that you aren’t left stuck and anxious.
Tip:
- Prepare and practice polite responses to questions or conversations you may get invited into.
- Recruit another person to keep an eye on you and help out when you need it.
- Add a note on your phone (or keep a note in your pocket) so that you can remind yourself of the responses to unwanted discussions or comments.
6. Have all the mixed feelings!
Christmas and New Year are celebrations like many others that may activate grief for those we have lost. Having a special way to celebrate them can be a loving way to remember them at this time of year. For example, having a lovely framed photo of them nearby or at a special place, and sharing funny memories of your loved one.
Tip: Keep in mind that everyone grieves and displays their emotions differently, so don’t force anyone to talk or share anything. Some people may find it to difficult to hear their name, so show compassion and understanding to everyone’s needs.
Also, if you think you will be alone during this time, reach out to other family and friends and get involved in their celebrations.
7. Perfect is overrated!
Life isn’t perfect. It’s never going to be. That’s the reality we need to embrace. Consequently, we have to be realistic with things not being perfect, including how the festive season plays out. Uniqueness fills our world with the full spectrum of colour. Enjoy each other’s uniqueness and be flexible.
Worrying about things being perfect robs you from the festive feeling and joy that comes at this time of year.
Tip: Practice feeling and showing gratitude and appreciation for all the positive experiences you have (rather than focusing on what went ‘wrong’)