Impostor syndrome and fear of failure affect many people. These struggles impact mental health and daily life. Shame often fuels these feelings, shaping thoughts and actions, and contributes to low self-esteem. Understanding how shame develops helps us overcome these challenges.
What is imposter syndrome?
Impostor syndrome, or Imposter Phenomenon, is a psychological pattern which makes people doubt their achievements. They fear being seen as frauds, even when they have proof of their success. Even after reaching goals, they feel unworthy and worry about being “found out.”
Imposter syndrome tends to impact people who are high achieving individuals who find it hard to accept their accomplishments, big or small. Research shows up to 70-80% of people experience impostor syndrome..1 It affects professionals, students, and creatives alike.
Although it is not a mental illness, it contributes to anxiety, depression, and stress. It can also cause burnout and health problems like high blood pressure. These thoughts interfere with work, family, and relationships.
Feeling unsure or experiencing imposter syndrome?
Feeling unsure is normal. However, impostor syndrome is more intense. It creates low self-esteem, reduces confidence, and affects decision-making.
Fear of failure
Fear of failure often comes with impostor syndrome. It can feel overwhelming and lead to avoidance. Some people refuse new opportunities because they fear mistakes. As a result, this fear holds back personal and professional growth.
The role of shame
Shame fuels impostor syndrome and fear of failure. It comes from believing we are flawed and unworthy. Unlike guilt, which relates to actions, shame makes people feel unworthy as individuals.
Brené Brown, a renowned researcher on shame and vulnerability, describes shame as “the painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and unworthy of love and belonging.” (Brown, 2012)2. The emotion is often instilled early in life through various experiences and interactions, such as criticism, rejection, or unmet expectations from significant figures like parents, teachers, or peers. Societal and cultural pressures can further reinforce these feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
How shame develops
Shame grows from negative experiences and learned beliefs. These messages can come from different sources:
- Family: Strict or critical parents make children feel unworthy. They believe they must meet high standards to be valued.
- School: Harsh feedback and comparisons with classmates create self-doubt. As a result, students may feel incapable or unworthy.
- Culture: Society sets standards for success, looks, and behaviour. People may feel shame if they don’t meet these expectations.
How shame affects life
Shame can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and self-doubt. It prevents people from forming close relationships because they fear judgment. Shame can also cause perfectionism and avoidance, leading to missed opportunities.
Impostor syndrome is often called “the flip side of giftedness.” It causes talented people to believe they don’t deserve their success. – Manfred F. R. Kets de Vries3
Is it impostor syndrome or your environment?
If self-doubt is new for you, think about what has changed. A critical environment can make anyone doubt themselves. Being around negative people lowers confidence, especially when they are never satisfied.
Have you started working with a new boss, team, or manager? Are you in a new relationship or friendship? Pay attention to how these people give feedback. Notice if they make passive-aggressive jokes or criticise often. This can contribute to low self-esteem. Even if it isn’t impostor syndrome, a psychologist can help you gain clarity and develop strategies.
Ways to overcome imposter syndrome and shame
- Recognise your feelings: Naming emotions reduces their power. Accept that feelings don’t define your worth. Self-doubt is common.
- Challenge negative thoughts: Notice when you downplay achievements or reject praise. Reframe thoughts like “I’m a fraud” to “I am learning and growing.”
- Celebrate achievements: Keep a journal of successes, even small ones. Reflecting on them builds confidence. When receiving praise, practice saying “Thank you.”
- Seek support: A psychologist can help explore fears and self-doubt. Talking to trusted friends also reduces isolation.
- Be kind to yourself: Treat yourself like you would treat a friend. Everyone makes mistakes, but they don’t define your worth.
How can a psychologist help?
“Studies show shame is the most common emotion among mental health clients, more than anger, fear, grief, and anxiety.” – Brené Brown
Psychologists use different therapy approaches to address impostor syndrome:
- Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT): Helps people process deep emotions, turning shame into healthier feelings.
- Internal Family Systems (IFS): Encourages people to understand different “parts” of themselves, like their inner critic, to heal self-doubt.
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Identifies and challenges negative thoughts, replacing them with realistic, empowering ones.
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Helps people accept difficult thoughts without judgment. It also encourages them to take actions that align with their values.
These approaches help people build confidence, self-compassion, and resilience. By healing different parts of themselves, they learn to embrace success without fear.
Impostor syndrome and fear of failure can stop personal growth. However, understanding their causes can help break free from their restrictive impact. Overcoming these challenges takes time, and getting support can make all the difference.
If self-doubt, anxiety, or fear of taking risks hold you back, working with a psychologist can help you regain confidence.
“Shame loses power when it is spoken.” – Brené Brown
This blog aims to support those facing impostor syndrome, fear of failure, and shame. By sharing knowledge and strategies, we can help each other grow and thrive.
References:
- . Bravata DM, Watts SA, Keefer AL, Madhusudhan DK, Taylor KT, Clark DM, Nelson RS, Cokley KO, Hagg HK. Prevalence, Predictors, and Treatment of Impostor Syndrome: a Systematic Review. J Gen Intern Med. 2020 Apr;35(4):1252-1275. doi: 10.1007/s11606-019-05364-1. Epub 2019 Dec 17. PMID: 31848865; PMCID: PMC7174434. ↩︎
- Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Penguin Random House. ↩︎
- Kets de Vries, Manfred. (2005). The dangers of feeling like a fake. Harvard business review. 83. 108-16, 159. ↩︎