What is grief?
What comes to mind when you think of grief? Sadness? Sorrow? Depressed mood? Grief is a normal, natural, complex, multifaceted emotional response to loss. It is a universal experience that affects individuals of all cultures and backgrounds, yet it is experienced uniquely in each person. Grief is most often associated with the death of a loved one, but it can also arise from other significant losses such as a relationship ending, an illness diagnosis, infertility and the loss of employment, a home, pet or support network.1.
The term ‘grief’ is used to describe the wide range of responses we experience through loss, which can affect our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, beliefs, physical health and relationships with others2. While sadness, sorrow or low mood are central emotional responses to grief, so are other intense emotions such as shock, disbelief, denial, anger, fear, anxiety, relief, guilt, shame and numbness or sense of unreality .3 It is not just an emotion, but a process that unfolds over time, allowing individuals to adjust to their new reality.
When Do We Experience Grief?
Grief can occur at any point in our lives and is not confined to major life events. Sometimes, grief may be anticipated, such as when caring for a terminally ill loved one. Other times, it may come unexpectedly, such as in the case of sudden death or a natural disaster. The loss of a job or a health diagnosis can also cause feelings of grief.
Grief can be compounded by repeated personal losses, such as the death of more than one person, or experiencing different forms of loss at simultaneously or very close together, without the opportunity to resolve the grief associated with each loss. 4 Societal and global events, such as the pandemic, can compound personal grief and contribute to cumulative grief.
What are the impacts of normal grief?
Grief can affect a person’s functioning through various changes that occur in their overall health and well-being. While grief is considered a normal human response to loss, many people do not expect the overarching effect it can have on all aspects of life:
- Mental Health: Grieving individuals often experience confusion, preoccupation with the loss, difficulty concentrating, disbelief, and even visions of the deceased. Some people will experience mental health difficulties such as insomnia, depression and anxiety.
- Physical Health: Grief can manifest physically through fatigue, changes in appetite, headaches, physical aches and pain, and a weakened immune system. Chronic stress from grief can lead to health problems such as heart disease, hypertension, and a compromised immune system.5
- Social and Family Relationships: Grief can strain relationships, as friends may struggle to understand or support the grieving individual adequately. In addition, family members may grieve differently, leading to misunderstandings and conflict. For example, parents grieving the loss of a child may struggle with differing grieving styles, causing a rift in their relationship.
- Work and Daily Functioning: The physical and mental responses of grief can impact on job performance, daily tasks and the ability to manage work stress. There may also be an increased need to work due to the loss of a deceased person’s income causing further stress and fatigue.
- Identity and Self-Perception: Significant loss could alter an individual’s sense of identity, particularly if the loss involved a central relationship or role, such as a spouse or parent.
- Spiritual Responses: For some, grief can lead to questioning one’s beliefs or a strengthened sense of faith. It can also prompt existential questions about life and mortality.
How long does grief last?
For some people, grief can be constant and all consuming, leaving them unable to feel normal or live their normal life. For others, grief is less intense, and people find they can return to their usual levels of functioning in weeks or months. It’s important to recognize that there are no timelines for grief, and we can experience grief for weeks, months, years or decades (Grief Australia). In general, and for most individuals, the intensity of grief lessens over time (can be years for a major loss) and life gradually builds around the grief allowing a new sense of ‘normal’ to be established.
How can I cope with loss and grief?
People experience grief in different ways, and there are no right or wrong ways to feel or process the loss if we are not harming ourselves or others. Most people manage their grief in their own way and adjust to loss and the changes in their life through maintaining their well-being, self-care and having good support available. Giving ourselves permission to grieve and allowing the process of grief is important, as is having an outlet to express our feelings.
In some circumstances, grief serves as a significant precursor to positive life experiences such as moving in a new direction, forming new connections and finding new meaning in life.
When do I need to seek professional help?
It is normal to experience distressing and at times conflicting feelings about loss e.g. sadness, relief, and guilt. It can be helpful to talk about your loss and any feelings with an objective person.
Grief can be overwhelming and challenging so it is important to reach out and seek professional advice and help if you find that grief is having a negative impact on your daily functioning, health and well-being. For instance, you may notice you have withdrawn from other family and social situations, have difficulty with managing work demands, an increased reliance on alcohol, or perhaps have thoughts of harming yourself. Remember to speak to your doctor about any difficulties you are experiencing.
Prolonged Grief Disorder affects about 7% -10% of people who experience persistent and intense grieving that severely interferes with their daily functioning.6 People experiencing Prolonged Grief Disorder tend to have an intense longing and preoccupation with the deceased person for over 12 months after their death and actively avoid facing the reality of their death and would greatly benefit from seeking professional care from a psychologist, GP and psychiatrist.7
How Your Psychologist Can Help
Psychologists can play a significant role in helping individuals and families navigate the grieving process and providing professional support outside the circle of family and friends. Psychologists can also identify risks and help people to resolve significant psychological issues to prevent complications in the grieving process. Here are some specific ways psychologists can help:
- Providing a Safe Space: Psychologists offer a confidential and non-judgmental environment where individuals can express their feelings openly. This safe space allows for the exploration of complex emotions without fear of burdening loved ones.
- Normalizing the Experience: Many grieving individuals feel isolated and misunderstood. Psychologists help normalize the experience by educating clients about the common reactions and phases of grief.
- Cognitive Behavioural Techniques: Psychologists use cognitive-behavioural techniques to help individuals challenge and reframe unhelpful thoughts associated with grief. This approach can reduce feelings of guilt, anger, and hopelessness.
- Emotion Focussed Therapy Techniques: Psychologists can use Emotion Focussed Therapy techniques to help clients navigate grief by enabling them to identify and process their deep emotional pain in a safe, supportive environment. It encourages the expression and understanding of emotions, fostering healing and acceptance of the loss and clients can develop healthier emotional responses, build resilience, aiding in the gradual adaptation to life without their loved one.
- Grief Counselling and Therapy: Tailored grief counselling provides support through the different phases of grief. Techniques such as narrative therapy, where individuals tell the story of their loss, can be particularly healing.
- Family Therapy: For families struggling to cope with a shared loss, family therapy sessions can facilitate communication, understanding, and mutual support.
- Mindfulness and Relaxation Strategies: Techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation help individuals manage the physical symptoms of grief and reduce overall stress.
- Support Groups: Psychologists often recommend or facilitate support groups where individuals can share their experiences with others who understand their pain. This communal aspect can be incredibly comforting and affirming.
Grief is a natural yet challenging part of life that touches everyone at some point. Understanding its complexities and recognizing its broad impact on mental, physical, and social well-being is crucial. If you have lost someone or experienced loss, seeing one of our psychologists can provide compassionate guidance support you and provide essential tools to help navigate your grief and ultimately, begin to heal.
Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and no one must face grief alone. Make an appointment with Cheryl or one of our psychologists to get the support you need.
Author: Insightful Living Co. Psychologist Cheryl Remedios
References
- Australian Psychological Society (APS)- Grief https://psychology.org.au/for-the-public/psychology-topics/grief
- Life Line- Grief and Loss – https://www.lifeline.org.au/media/tpmhzojb/web-oct_ll-2pp-fact-sheet_grief-loss.pdf
- Health Direct – Grief and Loss https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/grief-loss
- Allie Z, Le Roux E, Mahlatsi K, Mofokeng B, Ramoo ZA, Sibiya K, Joubert G, Van Rooyen JP, Brits H. Bereavement overload and its effects on, and related coping mechanisms of health care providers and ward administrators at National District Hospital in Bloemfontein, Free State. Afr J Prim Health Care Fam Med. 2018 Jun 18;10(1):e1-e7. doi: 10.4102/phcfm.v10i1.1652. PMID: 29943609; PMCID: PMC6018376.
- Grief Line- Grief and Loss Fundamentals https://knowledge.griefline.org.au/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2023/08/2.-Grief-and-loss-fundamentals_2023.pdf
- Szuhany KL, Malgaroli M, Miron CD, Simon NM. Prolonged Grief Disorder: Course, Diagnosis, Assessment, and Treatment. Focus (Am Psychiatr Publ). 2021 Jun;19(2):161-172. doi: 10.1176/appi.focus.20200052. Epub 2021 Jun 17. PMID: 34690579; PMCID: PMC8475918.
- American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787